Funny Women Quotes | Witty Sayings about Women

Looking for a good laugh with witty remarks about women? These funny women quotes offer humor and clever insights into the quirks of women’s lives, relationships, and everything in between. Whether you’re searching for something light-hearted to share or simply want to enjoy a collection of hilarious sayings, these quotes will surely entertain. From playful jabs at shopping habits to witty observations about relationships, this list has something for everyone.

Funny Quotes about Women and Relationships

Women and relationships often go hand in hand with humor. These quotes highlight the amusing and sometimes perplexing dynamics between men and women.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. – Henny Youngman.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
I am the boss in this house my wife told me so.
Only a woman can make a man feel wrong, when he does good.
Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A man is always ready to go, it’s a woman that says whether yes or no!
Men socialize by insulting one another, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting one another… But they don’t really mean it, either.
What would men be without women? Rich.
The best way to make a woman listen to you, direct your talk to another woman.

Witty Women Quotes about Communication

Communication between men and women can be a funny and often confusing topic. These quotes humorously tackle how differently the genders approach conversations.

When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
The best way to always get the last word in any argument with your wife or girlfriend? “Yes Dear…”
Getting in an argument with a woman is like being arrested, because anything you say can and will be used against you.
You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other. Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth.
Communication through females is still much faster than emails!
Fastest ways of communication: telephone, television, tell-a-woman.
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. – Bill Cosby.
There are two excellent theories for arguing with women… Neither one works.
The male body has seven trillion nerves and only a woman knows how to get on every single one of them.
There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.

Playful Quotes on Women’s Habits and Humor

Women’s habits, shopping tendencies, and other behaviors often make for light-hearted humor. These quotes capture those moments in a fun way.

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected.
A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.
If the world were ruled by women, there would be no war… Just a couple of nations not talking with each other.
Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
Women: Scientifically proven to be right even when they’re wrong.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. – Tim Allen.
Women are like hurricanes. When they come, they’re loud. When they’re gone, so is the house, the dog, and the car.
God made Adam first because he didn’t want any advice from Eve on how to make Adam.
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them, but no one wants to keep one. – W. C. Fields.

Clever Quotes about Women’s Perceptions

These quotes humorously address the often complex perceptions of women and their place in the world, adding a clever twist to gender stereotypes.

Women are a strange breed. They paint their lips; show off their inner-wear; flaunt their bodies; wear butt-hugging jeans; and then expect men to notice their emotions!
Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.
Of course, women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time!!!
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Women are like banks, they take every cent you got and give you very little interest.
Women fake orgasms, and men fake finances. – Suze Orman.
No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
Men will spend 2 dollars on a 1 dollar item that they desperately need. Women will spend 1 dollar on a 2 dollar item that they don’t need at all.
When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man? – Dame Edith Evans.

More Hilarious Women Quotes to Make You Laugh

Here are even more quotes that poke fun at the unique characteristics of women, ensuring you’ll have a good laugh and something to share with friends.

Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin.
Women are a language men will never understand.
The bravest thing that a man does is to bear a woman in his life.
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends’.
A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes.
When women go wrong, men go right after them. – Mae West.
Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty. – James Thurber.
Women don’t want to hear your opinion. They want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.
What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and take the house when they leave.

These funny women quotes offer a glimpse into the humor surrounding women’s lives, relationships, and habits. While some might poke fun at stereotypes, they also celebrate the unique characteristics that make women, and their interactions with men, so entertaining. Whether you’re looking for something to share or just want a light-hearted laugh, these quotes have got you covered.